SMDH

I have to decide within the next month if I I'm going to be:

A. Happy Philandering Single Lady - by philandering I mean being in an open relationship that isn't really open we're just saying it is because we're both probably too afraid to commit to each other.

 or

B. Stressed Out Taken Lady - by that I mean being in a committed relationship.

I moved here so I wouldn't be distracted with stuff like this and here it is and it's got me feelin like it's the last slice of the best fucking cheesecake I've ever had with a glass o wine.

Everyone wants to know love. Now I finally have this opportunity and it's horrible timing. Not to mention it probably won't work out. He's got some heavy baggage and I'm coming into this squeeky clean - I don't even have a carry on.

My heart is telling me yes, yes, yes. You've been having fun. You'll always deserve better so you might as well ride it out. My brain is telling me no.
Just stop it. You've been alone this long what's a little bit longer? Besides, you could survive being single forever. You don't like change and transitioning into a relationship is like getting a new puppy.

It's super fucking cute at first, but then you have to train it and it cries all the time and destroys your stuff. And you're not even allowed to get mad because it destroyed your stuff, OH NO! It's your fault he chewed up your favorite/only pair of red bottom Christian Louboutin boots that cost you what an infant probably would on the black market. It's your fault and you can't even be mad because you didn't give him enough toys to play with or you did, but he didn't like any of them. Puppies are expensive. There's piss and shit. Lot's of piss and shit... Everywhere.

I started this thing where I stopped listening to my heart because it kept leading me into trouble. Follow your heart, they say. Go with your gut, they say. So I do and then my brain is like, I told you so. So I started listening to my brain for a change and shit got easier, go fuckin figure.

Right now my brain is telling me that even though this puppy is the cutest thing I've ever seen and has the potential to be the best fucking dog ever, I just don't have the time or money to get another dog.

My heart is telling me to foster him for a while.